"I hear about the rapes one by one by one by one by one, which is also how they happen. Those statistics are not abstract to me. Every three minutes a woman is being raped. Every eighteen seconds a woman is being beaten. There is nothing abstract about it. It is happening right now as I am speaking.
And it is happening for a simple reason. There is nothing complex and difficult about the reason. Men are doing it, because of the kind of power that men have over women. That power is real, concrete, exercised from one body to another body, exercised by someone who feels he has a right to exercise it, exercised in public and exercised in private. It is the sum and substance of women's oppression."
- An excerpt from Andrea Dworkin's speech at the Midwest regional conference of the National Organization for Changing Men, in the fall of 1983. (Dworkin, 2005, p. 14)
In a recent paper on legal consent, I started with the above quotation by the very contentious feminist Andrea Dworkin. While I don’t agree with much of her politics, I do love how she centred men in the equation. She made an argument about sexual assault that leaves no questions about why it happens: It happens because men feel that they have the inherent right to rape women.
Changing the conversation from analyzing women’s actions to focusing on those of men is an extremely important shift. Current campaigns such as the Don’t Be That Guy Campaign (aka. all photos in this post) embody this perspective. Hopefully you will start seeing these ads in bars and clubs in downtown Vancouver (and let me know if you see them and tell me what you think!). They deconstruct rape myths that blame women. They emphasize that sex without consent is sexual assault. They tell guys not to be that guy.
But I must admit, I wish it went farther than that. I wish it focused on language, actions (or inaction) and the ways in which those maintain rape culture, as well. But there’s only so much an ad campaign can do (and this one is kick ass).
And if you were scratching your head, wondering what exactly a rape culture is, well just keep reading!
***
Definition of Rape Culture:
A la Wikipedia:
"A culture in which rape and sexual violence against women are common and in which prevalent attitudes, norms, practices, and media condone, normalize, excuse, or tolerate sexual violence against women"
A la Shakesville:
"In a rape culture both women and men assume that sexual violence is a fact of life, inevitable as death or taxes... Rape culture encourages male sexual aggression... Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women's daily movements... Rape culture is victim blaming... Rape culture is tasking victims with the burden of rape culture... Rape culture is encouraging women to take self-defense as though that is the only solution required to preventing rape... Rape culture is admonishing women to "learn common sense" or "be more responsible" or "avoid those places" or "don't dress this way" and failing to admonish men to not rape."***
And I say this, because in my experience, talking to men about rape is a tricky business. It is a conversation that makes people uncomfortable, on edge and eventually defensive. People don’t want to talk about it when it comes up and it tends to be a conversation stopper. There is an awkward silence and then someone will pipe up “Well, I would never rape anyone”.
And that is the response that I have a problem with. Saying “I’m innocent” doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t challenge the status quo and it doesn’t contest rape myths. And if you think that I’m going to give you a pat on the back for being a good boy, you have got to be kidding me.
Instead, I find that this logic is a huge part of the problem. It is a statement that rids the majority of men (and women) from any responsibility. It makes them feel good about themselves and allows them to distance themselves from the ways in which they maintain the rape culture that they are supposedly not a part of.
But we are all a part of it. This rape culture is our culture. Perhaps we have not been raped, or we have not raped anyone but we are still involved in it. We still have it’s logic ingrained in our heads and acted out in our day-to-day lives. That is the power of rape culture- it is invisible, yet everywhere.
So rather then telling me that you would never rape anyone, tell me something constructive. Tell me the ways that you are going to stop objectifying women. Tell me that you will stop using the language of rape in jokes (“scream like you’re getting raped” will never be funny or acceptable). Tell me that instead of being silent you are going to start speaking out when people make hurtful and offensive comments about consent and sexual assault.
And even then, I might not pat you on the back. I want this type of reaction to be the norm. I want to take it for granted that when someone tells me "don't get raped tonight" that everyone will protest. I want women and men to take an active role in fighting our rape culture. Women have been taking the responsibility for long enough, and it is time that we were joined by the other half of the equation.
All Photo Credits to the Don't Be That Guy Campaign which is a partnership between WAVAW (Women Against Violence Against Women/Rape Crisis Centre), BC Women's Hospital and Health Centre, Battered Women's Support Services (BWSS), Bar Watch, and the Vancouver Police Department. Check it out!
p.s. This campaign originated in Edmonton, in the coalition Sexual Assault Voices of Edmonton (SAVE).
if someone goes camping, leaves food in their tent, and gets attacked by a bear in the middle of the night, who do you blame?
ReplyDeletecampers have been taking the blame for long enough. no camper gives consent to a bear to maul them, ever, and so therefore they bear (!) no responsibility for the attack.
bears need to stop objectifying campers as sources of snacks. admitting that animals are sometimes irrational is tantamount to condoning it, and we must admonish bears not to maul.
This is NOT an excuse for a man to rape a woman, this is an argument against a simplistic demarcation of fault and responsibility.
Ask a rapist if he would have reconsidered raping someone because his buddies told him that 'rape ain't cool'. While I wholeheartedly support your crusade for a respectful and nonviolent society, I only point this out as a line of thinking which alienates the average man from this type of feminist thinking.
First off, I don’t want to alienate men from feminism! I promise that it isn’t man hating. It is about social justice and equivalent rights!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I don’t know if bears and rapists are comparable. I rather think it’s a completely different ball game... But I do agree that everything is not so black and white. Instead, there are many more shades of gray. But when we start talking about fault and responsibility, I think that the language we use is extremely telling. I don’t think a woman is ever at fault. It isn’t part of the way I understand rape. Nor do I want this post to come across as blaming all men. I don’t. I blame the culture where female sexuality is understood as “easy access” and where women are blamed for rape. And perhaps I didn’t emphasize enough that women and men are both a part of maintaining this rape culture. Women need to continue fighting rape myths as well. Women are constantly reinforcing them and I am definitely not immune.
And you are right- If a rapists buddies told him “rape ain’t cool”, it probably wouldn’t change much. But maybe it would. Maybe if it was abnormal for degrading comments to be made about women, prostitutes, and female sexuality, things would be different. If the norm wasn’t laughing at university students chanting “no means yes and yes means anal”, then perhaps there would be less rape.
All I’m saying is that it’s a two way street and that it would be nice to have male allies who are willing to speak out.
hopefully this will make your head explode
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrvDhSB7GHk
It does. Just as I believe that violence against women is unacceptable, I also believe the same for violence against men. Both are unacceptable.
ReplyDeleteThese past posts have only explored violence against women, as I find it something that resonates for myself. It is good to point out the double standard in regards to sexual violence as it is often only considered a woman's problem. Nonetheless, I would argue that women bear the brunt of sexual violence, especially when you look at statistics. But, as this youtube clip points out, sexual violence against men occurs, and it should not be laughed at or dismissed (but what the women in the video failed to do). It should remain an important part of the conversation.